These Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Us as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to talk among men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."